MY SO-CALLED LIFE "Life of Brian" v.1.06 (last revision 3/16/95) Season 1, Episode 11 Angela = Angela Chase Rayanne = Rayanne Graff Sharon = Sharon Cherski Patty = Patty Chase Rickie = Rickie Vasquez Graham = Graham Chase Danielle= Danielle Chase Brian = Brian Krakow Jordan = Jordan Catalano Delia = Delia Fisher Corey = Corey Kyle = Kyle Bernice = Bernice Krakow Bob = Bob Krakow ----------- Thanks to the following people for proofreading and pointing out errors: Jennifer Anne McCue
Myra Wong ----------- Bernice : Brian, honey? Are you ignoring me, sweetheart? If you are, it's okay. Just tell me. Brian : [voiceover] My mother is a behavioral psychologist. Bob : Bernice, if you left him alone, maybe he'd break out of this prolonged latency. Brian : And my father is a Freudian psychiatrist. Bernice : Our child is not in latency. Bob : Keep living in denial, Bernice. Brian : Which basically means that they fundamentally disagree on, like, everything. Bob : Bri? Everything all right? Bernice : Feel free not to respond. Brian : At Angela's house, they probably like laugh, and eat unbalanced meals, and talk about things that don't have deep symbolic meaning. They're probably like this normal family. Danielle: Ow! Child abuse! Patty : Well, it's tangled. Graham : Where the hell is it? Patty : Sweetie, I can't -- do braids in a basement. Graham : It was right here... Danielle: Fine, I'll do them myself. Patty : So this is actually happening? You're actually gonna wallpaper the bedroom? Graham : Yeah, what's the big deal? Patty : Nothing. Except this wallpaper sat here through the entire Bush administration. Graham : Well, I just figure since I'm not working... keep me off the street. Patty : So you feel okay about -- um, I mean, you've done this before, right? Graham : Patty, I can wallpaper a room. Patty : Right, I'm sorry. This's really great. Brian : I became a yearbook photographer because I liked the idea that I could sort of watch life without having to be a part of it. But when you're yearbook photographer, you're like, never in the picture. [to Sharon, Delia] I'm yearbook photographer. This is my job. Sharon : Brian, I'd like you to meet -- Delia. She's new. Delia : It's really nice meeting you. Brian : Oh. Yeah. Delia : Maybe I'll see you around? [Brian stares alternately at her, then Sharon] Sharon : [to Delia] Bye. [to Brian]. Nice, Krakow. Real suave. Brian : What? Sharon : Well, it seems pretty obvious what she was thinking... Brian : What? Sharon : She *likes* you! Ask her to the dance! Brian : Hold on, wait. This World Happiness thing? Sharon : It's *not* a "thing". It's a *dance*. Which I am trying to make into a great dance, which is like almost impossible since apparently the idea of school spirit is like out the window. Brian : Wait, so getting back to this Delia thing... Sharon : Uh, she's working at Big Guy Burger tonight from three-thirty til eight. Brian : Did she actually say anything? Sharon : Let's just say -- that it was very clearly implied. Rickie : Hey, sweet thing. Rayanne : I, mean, *World Happiness*! Full of that. Angela : It sounds like Sharon. Rickie : *Definitely* Sharon. Angela : So -- are you like going? Rayanne : What? Angela : I know -- I just thought -- in this really obvious way it'd be sort of fun. Rayanne : Angela, if you expect Jordan Catalano to like ask you... Rickie : Maybe she just wants to like dance. Angela : Exactly. [pause] Wait, so there's like no chance...? Rayanne : Angela, Jordan Catalano doesn't *go* to school dances. As like policy. Angela : Right. I sort of figured. So... Rayanne : If you wanted to go, which of course you don't, you could let Brian Krakow ask you. Angela : Rayanne! Rayanne : What? You put him on hold, if you don't get Catalano, you've got Brian Krakow to like, pay. Angela : Well then excuse me, I'd be at the dance with Brian Krakow. Corey : Excuse me? Rayanne : Can we like help you? Corey : I was just -- is Miss Chataval around? Rayanne : Do you see Miss Chataval around? Corey : Cool vest. Brian : What's always amazed me, is fishermen. How they wait there forever, when something finally tugs on their line, they like don't panic. The strange thing is, even though I've established verbal communication with Delia Fisher, I still think about Angela. Constantly. Why am I like this? I truly sicken myself. I just have to stop being her little puppet; I vow to never again show up at Angela's door with some lame excuse. Brian : Hi. I mean, hello. Um. I sort of lent this atlas to Angela, uh, which she was technically supposed to return in like March. So... Graham : Oh, well, she isn't here now. [drops stuff] Uh, could you...? Brian : Oh, right. So, putting up wallpaper? Brian : Lower, lower. Wait. Those morning glories aren't lined up. Um, in my room, one seam is a little off and I stare at it constantly. It's like destroying me. [pause] So, you're like what -- retired? I mean, I mean, not retired. Heh. Graham : No -- I'm planning what to do next. I don't want to jump into anything blindly. [pause] I mean, it's -- it's, um, like wallpaper. I mean, there are hundreds of patterns out there, and it's kind of daunting because you're going to have to live with your decision for a long time. Brian : Say you're deciding -- between two particular patterns, and one of them, you *definitely* know that, that you really like, and the other is nice wallpaper and all, but you're not sure if it's really -- Graham : For you. Brian : Exactly. But the really great wallpaper, let's say, is like totally out of your price range. So -- do you take the other wallpaper, even though you don't let's say, really desire it that much, or do you wait until the really great -- wallpaper is -- cheaper. Graham : Well, I guess it depends on how -- badly you need wallpaper. Brian : I would say pretty badly. Graham : Well, I guess that says it. Brian : Yeah. Brian : I can't believe this. Apparently Delia Fisher smiles at everyone. She's probably from one of those small towns where everyone's friendly and smiles at you for no reason. I *hate* that type of town. Delia : [to leaving patron]. Thanks for choosing Big Guy. [to Brian] Hi. Brian : Hi. [laughs nervously] Delia : Uh. Welcome to Big Guy Burger, where every guy is a big guy. Brian : I was just -- you know -- happened to be in the neighborhood, and so -- Delia : So, what can I get for you? Brian : Oh, uh. Um. Just -- ah -- Hunkburger. Delia : For here or to go? Brian : Uh, to go. I just, you know, should probably -- ah, go. Brian : [voiceover] There's something about my life. It's just automatically true that nothing actually happens. Delia : Not hungry after all? Brian : [to Delia] Uh. I was told not to eat red meat by my, um, doctor. So. Delia : Oh. Sorry about -- being so standard in there. My manager like watches us. Brian : Oh, right. Delia : I'm glad you came. Brian : [voiceover] Somewhere far away there was a car alarm. One of those really annoying ones. Delia : Do you want a sip? Brian : But suddenly, it was the best sound I'd ever heard. [to Delia] So, I guess I should go. Delia : Me, too. Brian : So maybe this is what people mean when they talk about, you know -- life. Sharon : So are you going to ask me to this dance, or what? Kyle : I was going to -- eventually. Sharon : Oh, so -- you just haven't gotten around to it? Kyle : Exactly. Sharon : Look, Kyle. I am under a *ton* of pressure here, okay? The dance committee, student council, yearbook, band. I don't have time to worry about being alone at the very dance I organized! Kyle : Fine. Would you like to go to the dance with me? Sharon : *Yes*. And if you -- screw this up, I will really hate you. Like forever. Brian : My life is so ridiculous. I have to ask Delia Fisher to the dance. I *have* to. Now -- on the count of three. One. Two. Three. [the bell rings] Speak! [Delia disappears around a corner] Brian : Hi. What's going on? Rickie : Oh. Not much. Brian : So. You going to the dance? Rickie : Uh, doubtful. You? Brian : I would kind of have to say, at this point -- no. Rayanne : Guidance is *so* weird. [laughs] So she looked at me all concerned, wanting to know if I was going to the school dance, like that wasn't the *stupidest* question in history. And so, I broke down and *cried*. It was hysterical. Rickie : But I mean, how's it going? I mean, how're you doing? Rayanne : Ten days. No drink, no drugs. I'm so clean you could eat off me. Rickie : So, um, you know that girl, Pam Troy? Rayanne : The one with the really bad perm? Rickie : No, the one with the diamond stud in her nose. Rayanne : Oh, the one with the -- the crop-top and the, and -- uh, she broke down and cried that time in, uh, Human Sexuality. Rickie : Yeah, so? So I was thinking of asking her to the dance. Rayanne : What? Rickie : Well, I know you think the dance is really stupid -- Rayanne : Why don't you ask him? Rickie : Shut up! Rayanne : Well, isn't that who you really want to go with? Rickie : Well, yeah, in some imaginary universe that exists like in my mind, but -- Rayanne : Leave it to me. Rickie : Rayanne, if you say one word to him, I'd kill you. Rayanne : [humming] Mmm mmm mmm. Rickie : Rayanne! Patty : My. Are those morning glories not lining up? Graham : They're lining up. Patty : Because you know if -- if they're even the slightest bit off that's all you're going to notice. Is that a bubble? Graham : Patty, I tried every conceivable way to get rid of that bubble. It is there forever, it's part of our lives. It will outlive us all. Patty : So, I dropped off that brochure I did for the university with their precious perforations. While I was there, I picked up a continuing ed bulletin. Graham : Why'd you circle all these cooking classes? Patty : Well, why do you think? I mean, isn't that what you always talked about? Graham : Well, this is some kind of adult ed workshop. What I talked about was going full time to a culinary institute. Patty : Which we can't -- Graham : Which we can't afford. I know. Patty : But that we can afford, so why are you closing your mind? Will you at least think about it? Graham : Okay. Angela : Hi. Jordan : Hey. Angela : So, did you hear about that thing that they're going to like extinguish fourth period lunch? Jordan : I didn't hear that. Angela : Oh, it's just something that people are obsessing about. It's like sometimes people fill their minds with all these stupid things, you know? To keep themselves from thinking about you know, what's *really* important. Like this World Happiness Dance. I mean, it's *so stupid*. I mean what does that mean, you know? Like if we dance the world is really gonna get happier -- I mean, really, come on. I don't think so. Jordan : There's a dance? Angela : Uh, yeah, you know, there's like five hundred posters up around the school about it. Jordan : Ahhh, right. Angela : I guess I kinda mean the idea -- of the dance is kinda -- false. I mean I doubt I'm even going. I mean, I'm sure you're obviously not going. Right? Jordan : See, I have this philosophy. Angela : You have a philosophy? Jordan : Well, if I go somewhere and someone I know is there, then cool, there's something -- natural about it. But once you start making plans, then you have like, like obligations -- and that basically blows. So my feeling is, whatever happens, happens. Angela : I have to say, I really respect that. [Jordan gets up, gets into his car] Angela : Oh, I um forgot my geometry book in my locker, so -- Delia : Hi. Brian : Oh, hi. Delia : I've been looking for you all day. Brian : I've been like -- really busy. I'm like carrying a triple minor. Delia : Oh. I didn't reven know you could have a triple minor. Brian : They -- sort of bent the rules for me. So. Delia : Um -- Miss Chataval wants me to catch up with the rest of the unit, you know, since I just transferred here. I have no idea what I'm even looking at. Brian : Oh. Simple. They're just paramecia. Delia : Can I look? Brian : Finally, an erection from actual physical contact. Delia : What are the little hairy things around the edges? Brian : Um, those are cilia. They like, propel the paramecia. Delia : You're a lifesaver. Brian : So, remember when we were discussing wallpaper? Graham : Okay, lower. A little bit lower. Brian : It's just so weird when you've like chosen your wallpaper, and -- you think you're pretty happy with it, but, but just -- in, everytime you pass by the other wallpaper, you know, the one you sort of like more -- Graham : Brian, we're not talking about wallpaper here, are we? Brian : Maybe not. Patty : Oh. Brian Krakow's here. Good. Brian : Oop. Hi, I was just -- Patty : Helping, I know. Thank you. Hey, so um, did you get a chance to look at that bulletin? Graham : Not yet. Patty : You know, I should have mentioned, um, tomorrow's the last day of registration, so um -- Graham : Oh, that's all right. I'll do it next time. Patty : 'Cause you know, because there are some very important chefs running some of the these classes -- Graham : Oh, sure, like who? Patty : Stephan Dieter. Graham : Who? Patty : You know, it's um that guy from the TV show. Stephan's Kitchen. Graham : That guy died. Patty : He did not die. Graham : Are you sure? Patty : Graham, I should just say, I don't understand. I - I - I thought that um -- you'd *planned* to do this. Graham : Well, at his point the way things are now it just doesn't feel right to make plans. I mean, I'd rather -- let -- whatever happens, happen. Delia : So. Brian : So. Delia : Have you -- thought about the dance? Brian : Um, not much. H-have you? Delia : No. I mean be-- it's just that if -- if I'm not going to work Saturday, I have to, you know, switch with someone right away. Brian : I see. Delia : So -- I mean, if -- if I'm gonna go, I would need to know, you know, like now. Brian : That's -- yeah. Hm. Angela : Rayanne's right. Rickie : About what? Angela : Corey and the dance. Rickie : She *told* you? Angela : It's okay, I understand. Rickie : No, you *don't* understand. I mean, you don't understand because -- you *don't*. You couldn't -- Angela : Oh, you're right, Rickie. I couldn't possibly understand having an obsession for a person I have zero hope of ever becoming involved with. We're hopeless. Brian : And so in conclusion, I guess the truth is that I can't, you know, um work like twenty-four hours a day. All work and no play, or whatever. Delia : Uh, Brian -- Brian, are you asking me to the dance? Brian : Um -- yeah. Delia : I thought so. Rickie : Angela, maybe we should go. You know, to that stupid dance. Angela : Oh, my God, we should go *together*! Rickie : Right. Eight o' clock? Angela : Eight o' clock! Rickie : I feel so much better, you know? Just to know that it's settled. Corey : Hey, Rickie. So, see you Saturday night? Rickie : Excuse me? Corey : Rayanne said the three of us are going to hang together. At the dance? Did I -- get that wrong? Rickie : Oh, no. I mean, you get it completely right. Corey : Cool. So -- Saturday. Angela : So, I guess I -- should go with you and Rayanne and Corey, right? Rickie : Sure. I mean, except that you know, then it might seem like, you and I are together. Kind of like a boy-girl thing. Angela : It might? Rickie : Well, yeah, like a double date? Angela : Yeah, I guess -- I guess it might. Rickie : Whereas if it's just -- you know -- me and Corey and Rayanne -- wait a second! Oh my God this is too obvious, isn't it? I mean, maybe you, maybe you should come. Angela : No -- I shouldn't. You know, you're right. Rickie : I gotta go find Rayanne. Angela : Hi. Can I talk to you for a minute? It's kind of an emergency. Brian : Oh. We were just -- Delia : Um, it's okay. I gotta go anyway. See you Saturday? Brian : Um, yeah. Angela : So you like asked her to the dance? Brian : Yes. In fact, I, you know, just wanted to go with someone, so I just thought -- her. So I just asked. It was, you know, that simple. She seemed pretty much blown away. Angela : That's great. Um -- look, this is gonna sound really weird. Rayanne's doing this thing for Rickie, because he has an enormous crush on someone, and um, it's just this very delicate balance. And I know you're going with Delia, and I'm like really happy for you [she continues while Brian voices over] and I don't even know how, so I was thinking... Brian : And as she continued to basically babble, it started to sink in that something truly amazing was happening. Angela : I was thinking, that since we're neighbors, it'd be sort of convenient if -- if there was just some way I could go along [again she continues] it -- it really would mean a lot to me... Rayanne and Rickie... Brian : When you stripped away all the blathering, Angela Chase -- was asking to go to the dance with me. Angela : I mean, just to like get me there. Not that we'd actually be going together. Brian : Of course. Angela : No. I mean, not to *go* go, because you're going with Delia. I just need a technical -- way to get there. Brian : It's not a problem. I mean, fine. Tag along. Angela : Thanks. Rickie : Can he excuse us? Guy : Later, Ann. Rickie : How could you do that? Rayanne : What'd I do? Rickie : What'd you do? You invited Corey to the dance with you and me when I specifically told you not to. Rayanne : Oh, that. Rickie : He painted -- your shoes. Rayanne : You want me to ask him to do yours? Rickie : Rayanne! Listen to me. This isn't funny. Now you've driven me crazy in the past, but I'm willing to overlook it, because the truth is, I wanna go to the dance. But if you say one word -- to embarrass me -- while the three of us are together -- Rayanne : Ugh. Rickie : What? Rayanne : I won't -- be there. Rickie : What? Rayanne : Well, I just don't think I'm ready to go to an event like that. I mean -- talked to the counsellor, and she said she doesn't think I'd be able to. Rickie : Who cares about your stupid drinking problem? This is my life! Rayanne : Don't worry; it's no problem. Rickie : Yes, it *is*. Rayanne : I will call Corey. I will explain the whole thing. It'll be fine. Delia : Hi. Did you want to talk to me? Brian : Yeah. How are you? Delia : Bri-*an*. We only have like a minute, you know, so -- Brian : Right. So, it's sort of about the dance. Delia : Oh? Brian : Its turns out that I kind of forgot -- you know, about this other committment that I already had. It's kind of -- you know, special or whatever, so I -- [switch to voiceover] Of all the stupid things I've said -- which are like countless -- I've never wanted to take something back more than that one. [to Delia] Maybe we can go somewhere else sometime. I mean, catch a movie or whatever. Delia : This other commitment. Is it -- another girl or something? [Brian does not respond] Brian, look. It doesn't matter who you told first. You know, if it was her or it was me. You should go with who you wanna go with. Just be honest with me, please? Brian : Okay. So I guess I would. Delia : You would what? Brian : Rather go. You know -- with her. I'm really sorry. Delia : It would be really good if you would leave. Brian : Delia -- Delia : Please? Patty : I know this is weird, but just take a look at this? Graham : So what does this mean? So you enrolled me? Patty : Yeah. I mean, I know that you've had your hands full with the wallpaper and everything, so -- oh, Graham. I - I just thought -- uh, I mean, I know that you like to cook -- Graham : It's not that I "like to cook". It's, it's -- this thing I can just do. The one thing I can do. Patty : Well, that's just the point, sweetheart -- [the doorbell rings] Danielle: I'll get it! Patty : Honey, I mean -- [to Danielle] ask who it is first. Danielle: Who is it? Brian : Brian Krakow. Danielle: Oh, my God. Patty : Oh, my God. Brian : Um, we're um, going to that dance thing. I mean, we're actually not going with each other. [Angela appears on the stairs] Oh, my God. Graham : You know something, when I want to, I can focus just fine. Angela : So, we're picking Delia up? Patty : Wait a second -- um, your father is picking the three of you up after the dance, right? Brian : Um, as it turns out, Delia can't go. Angela : Wait a second. Why? Brian : It's her aunt. Actually, she's you know, actually in the hospital. Patty : Oh, I hope it isn't anything too serious. Patty : Graham? I'm sorry, okay? Graham? [opens the door to the bedroom] Wow. Oh, my God. This room look amazing. Wow. I guess we found another thing you can do. Graham : You're welcome. Patty : My God. Did you see her face when he told her that that other girl wasn't coming? They're going to have such a terrible time. [they laugh] Look, I know you probably feel like you can't breathe sometimes, like I'm this horrible nag, or something -- feel free to stop me -- any time. Look, I'll put a stop on the check. I'll call the registrar and just tell them -- Graham : Don't do that. I sort of have to see if Stephan Dieter can still stiffen his egg whites. I mean, since I'm already signed up. I mean -- thank you, for signing me up. Rickie : So finally the mouse starts like running across the classroom and, I swear to God starts like chasing Mrs. Schindleheim, which is when she tripped over Nicholas Cayhill, which is why she's wearing that neck brace. Corey : You're like really funny. So, where's Rayanne? Rickie : S - She didn't call you? Corey : No, why? Rickie : Well, she told me she was going to call you -- because she's not -- she's not coming. Corey : Why? Rickie : It's kind of a long story. Corey : Oh. So she's not coming at all? Rickie : No, sorry. Corey : You don't have to be sorry. I wanted to ask her how she liked her sneakers. Rickie : Well, Rayanne is very, uh -- changeable. Corey : It's just weird, you know, when you have a picture of how something's gonna be, and it turns out completely different. Rickie : Yeah. It *is* weird. Brian : Lot of people. Angela : Yeah. Brian : Okay, this is the simplest thing in the world. People do it every day. Just -- start a conversation. [to Angela] Wow. Angela : Yeah. So, could you get me something to drink? Brian : Uh, okay. What do you want? Angela : Just, you know, whatever. [to Corey] Oh, hi. Rickie : Hey. Brian : Oh, hi. Rickie : So, um -- you and Angela come together? Brian : Um, sort of. Rickie : So I was thinking of, you know, hanging with you guys, but I didn't know if you were here as friends, or -- as an actual thing, um so -- you know -- it's whatever's better for you. Brian : Um, whatever. I mean -- maybe you shouldn't come over. We might wanna like dance or something. Rickie : Oh, that's, that's really great. Brian : Punch. Angela : Thanks. What did Rickie want? Brian : Nothing. Angela : What did you say to him? Brian : Nothing. I just said it was better that maybe he didn't hang out with us. Angela : What? Brian : I thought that might be awkward or whatever, so -- Angela : Rickie's my friend. Brian : He's my friend, too. It's just -- what if we -- I don't know -- if we wanted privacy or something? Angela : Why would we want *privacy*? Brian : Well, we probably wouldn't, but -- Angela : Brian -- what do you think is happening here? Brian : What? Nothing? Angela : Didn't I explain what the whole reasoning for this was? Brian : I just thought if we wanted to, say dance -- or something -- Angela : Why would -- we're *not* going to dance. Brian : I realize that. Look, it wasn't some big plan or anything. I don't even believe in making plans. Whatever happens, happens. Angela : That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life. [she sees Delia across the dance floor] What did you say to Delia? Brian : What do you mean? Angela : You don't understand people, Krakow. You're *so* heartless. Brian : I mean the fact that she called me heartless -- that's just really good. That's excellent. I mean, how ironic can you get without puking? [he approaches Delia at the punch bowl] I - I was really wrong. I like realize that now -- that what I did was pretty heartless -- or whatever...? Sharon : Oh, I am *so* glad you could make it. You know Kyle, right? Brian : Yeah. Hi. [Sharon glares at him] Sharon : You know what, I am glad you decided to come on your own. It's better. There are like *so* many cute guys I want you to meet! Okay? Rickie : So -- Rayanne never called Corey. Angela : Do you want me to kill her? Rickie : That's a really nice offer, but the truth is -- that would only solve half the problem. Angela : What's the other half? Rickie : The other half is, like, you know -- the tough half. Angela : Which is? Rickie : Which is like just -- you know -- that I belong nowhere. With no one. That I don't -- fit. [Angela hugs him. Jordan and a crowd of his friends walk by] Jordan : Be there in a minute. Rickie : It's okay. [Angela kisses him] Angela : Hey. [Jordan backs her against the fence, leans against it with one arm over her] Jordan : Why are you like this? Angela : Like what? Jordan : Like how you are? [Jordan starts to leave] Angela : [Calling after him] How am I? How - how am I? [The band begins playing "Try". Angela stares after Jordan, then heads inside.] Angela : Hi. [pause] Brian, this was all my fault. Brian : Her hair smelled incredible. Angela : I mean, I ruined your night -- and Delia's night. I should have stayed out of it. Brian : Her hair smelled like the orange grove we passed when I was eight on the way to see my grandmother. Angela : And I -- I can't really explain why I even got involved. But I'm sorry. Brian : But I guess that's just her shampoo. Or something. These things are so stupid. Angela : I know. No one ever has a good time. So -- I don't know -- you wanna dance or something? Brian : Not with you. [pause] Well, I just -- I just -- I don't care about dancing -- that much. Angela : Me either.