My So-Called Life - Episode 5

The Zit

Transcribed by Doe B. Kim

"The Zit" v.1.0 (last revision 3/29/95)
Season 1, Episode 5

Angela  = Angela Chase
AngelaVO= Angela Chase voiceover
Rayanne = Rayanne Graff
Rickie  = Rickie Vasquez
Sharon  = Sharon Cherski
Patty   = Patty Chase
Graham  = Graham Chase
Danielle= Danielle Chase
Brian   = Brian Krakow
Jordan  = Jordan Catalano
Camille = Camille Cherski
Rinaldi = Mr. Rinaldi, Spanish teacher and temporary English teacher
Doc     = the Band instructor, don't know his name so...
Girl1   = girl in locker room
Girl2   = another girl in locker room
Kyle    = Kyle Vinnovich
Cosmetic= guy at one of the cosmetics counters
MalcolmX= Malcolm X, on the television
Model   = model on the mag cover, in Angela's hallucination

[bell rings, Angela sees Kyle and Sharon together]
[she glances (stares?) at Sharon's chest, then at them]
AngelaVO: [covering zit on her chin with her hand] So, Sharon's life was,
          like, this natural, healthy way.  While my life
          was, like, clogged.
[enter Rayanne]
Rayanne : Oh, yeah, Cherski and Vinnovich.  You didn't know?  I think they
          met at the game, probably the big game.  Possibly, the big away
Angela  : Should we be, like, attending those things?
Rayanne : Please grip yourself.

[English class, Mr. Rinaldi writes "METAMORPHOSIS" on the board]
Rinaldi : a...metamorphosis? [long pause] Brian?
Brian   : When someone totally changes into something else or just when
          anything changes shape. [looking at Sharon's chest]
Rinaldi : Yes.  Now, _The Metamorphosis_ was written by Franz Kafka.  What
          does it mean, to call something Kafka-esque? [pause] Anyone?
          Wanna take a guess?
Brian   : Um, when something seems like a total nightmare, and you can't
          believe it's really happening, is.
Rinaldi : Can you give me an example of something Kafka-esque?
AngelaVO: Sharon Cherski having a boyfriend...and not me.

[in the girls' bathroom]
Rickie  : It has nothing to do with what anybody said, it's just, I always
          knew why I was coming in here, okay, but if people are gonna take
          it wrong, and give it this whole meaning that I never made it to
Rayanne : Ashley DeMarco asked me if you were getting a sex change.
Rickie  : Exactly!  I don't want to be a girl.  I just wanna hang with
          girls.  There's a difference.  But, it's definitely gotten out of
          hand.  So, goodbye leaking faucets, goodbye soap dispenser that
          never had soap in it, goodbye too hot radiator.
[enter Angela]
Rickie  :  Oh Scarecrow [clutching Angela's face and dancing around
          with her], I think I'll miss you most of all.
Angela  : [laughs]
[someone slips a sheet of paper under the door]
Rayanne : What's this?  Oh, my...[opens door to see who it was, dude runs
          around the corner]
Rickie  : Who was it?
Angela  : Did you see him?
Rayanne : Uh, he got away.  You're not gonna believe this -- "Sophomore
          Girls -- the top 40."

[the list]
                *          Sophomore Girls          *
                             "Top Forty"

            Hottest Sophomore Babe............Casey Hall
            Best Butt.....................Leslie Godfrey
            Best Legs..................Jennifer Kamensky
            Best Hooters..................Sharon Cherski
            Best Hair...................Melissa Feinburg
            Best Dresser....................Cheri Jacobs
            Best Kisser......................Sara Archer
            Most Slut Potential............Rayanne Graff
            Best Laugh....................Brooke Kennedy
            Best Dates '94...................Diane Kelly
            [something]....................Laurie Dalton
            [something]...................Wendy Peterson
            [something]......................Jody Norris
                                           Isabel Parins
[reconstruction of the list, best of my
Angela  : What?
Rayanne : Oh, the first one's obvious: hottest sophomore babe, Casey Hall.
[shot of Ms. Hall walking through the hall, waving like a parade queen]
AngelaVO: Casey Hall is, like, the prettiest girl in our class.  Maybe
          even in the whole school, maybe even in America.
Angela  : I see her in Soc.  She's always flipping her hair around.
Rayanne : That's one term for it.  Oh, will you look at this?  Best butt-
Rickie  : Who?
Rayanne : Leslie Godfrey.
[shot of Ms. Godfrey's posterior bending over desk, possibly Rayanne-cam]
Rayanne : That's no lie, she sits in front of me in homeroom.
Rickie  : Best legs-
Rayanne : Jennifer Kamensky?  In what universe?
Rickie  : It's who you know.
Rayanne : Have you, like, viewed her ankles?  Her ankles are like hams.
Rickie  : [laughs]
Angela  : Wait, Sharon Cherski?
Rickie  : Who?  Oh, Angela's ex...
Rayanne : Ex...
Angela  : Oh, God.
Rayanne : Well, they are quite sizable.
Rickie  : [laughs]
Rayanne : I mean, if I had a set like that, I'd own a small country.
Angela  : Things like this make me sick.  Stop reading it, it's stupid.  I
          mean, it's less than stupid.  Who asked them?  What gives them the
          right to decide-
Rayanne : Oh my God, Angela!  I'm on it!
Angela  : What?
Rayanne : "Most Slut Potential" -- do ya love it?  Aaah!  Wooo! [leaves]
Rickie  : Don't worry.  You're not on it.
Angela  : I don't care!  If I'm on it or not, that's not the point.
Rickie  : I, I, I, I just don't get noticed.  You blend in.
[enter Rayanne]
Rickie  : Unlike, say, me, who basically never will.
Rayanne : [practices sexy faces in the mirror]

[outside the school]
Rayanne : Potential slut, now where do people get that kinda idea about ME?
Rickie  : Research.
[both laugh]
Angela  : I can't even say what this is.  Does this make you mad?
Rayanne : No, I have the right to live my own life.  Anyway, it's a goof.
Angela  : Who are they to say that?  I mean, I don't want people saying that
          about you.
Rayanne : Or maybe about you, 'cause we're friends.
Angela  : Rayanne, that's not it.
AngelaVO: Or maybe it was...kinda it.

[in band practice]
[everyone's staring at Sharon's chest]
Doc     : Sharon, would you, would you play the twelfth bar of 23 for us,
Sharon  : [plays, everyone fully concentrates on her chest now, Brian
          especially, gives people "What are you looking at?" looks]
Doc     : Your, uh, tone lacks, uh, kind of a center.  Could you smile at
          the instrument, turn up the corners of your mouth a little bit
Sharon  : [smiles, unwillingly]
Doc     : Yeah.  All right, let's try it again, please, at 23.  Two bars,
          two, ready, go! [they play for a few seconds]
[bell rings]
Doc     : Okay, put 'em away!
[people pack their instruments]
Sharon  : Brian, what's going on?
Brian   : Um, about, about the poll?
Sharon  : What poll? [pause] Brian, what poll?
Brian   : I...don't know.  I...I mean...I don't condemn it, but I don't,
          you know, [quick peek at "the hooters", chuckles] condone it.

[Chase house, Angela's bedroom -- she's sitting in front of the mirror]
AngelaVO: Okay, so I have a zit.  I have a zit on my chin.  It's not the end
          of the world.  Exactly.
Patty   : Angela! [calling her to dinner]

[at the dinner table]
Patty   : Camille called me at work today, can you guess why?
Angela  : Oh-
Danielle: Oh, I know.
Graham  : Why?
Danielle: I know why.
Graham  : Why?
Angela  : Oh, Mom-
Patty   : What, "Oh Mom" -- you know we had a wonderful time last year.  You
          and Sharon had a great time.
Graham  : Wait, what?  What was the wonderful time?
Danielle: The mother-daughter fashion show.
Angela  : Mom, I'm not friends with Sharon anymore, okay?
Patty   : Well, that's not the point.
Graham  : What fashion show?
Danielle: The church one.  Mom sewed the dresses, and they looked like
Patty   : No, they didn't.
Graham  : Uh, they kinda did, Patty.
Patty   : Well, I'll...get a nicer pattern this year.  And it's gonna be
          better, it's to benefit the battered women's shelter, and they're
          holding it in a real ballroom.
Angela  : I can't believe you're making me do this.
Patty   : I can't believe you don't wanna do it.
Danielle: I'll do it.
Patty   : [pause] Sweetheart, it's really for girls who are a little bit
          older than you are.
Danielle: I know.  I don't really wanna do it. [Graham caresses her head]
Angela  : Mom, the only reason you wanna go is 'cause everyone told you how
          great you looked.  "Did you ever model professionally?"  "I can't
          believe you have a teenage daughter, 'cause you look...[with
          Danielle] SO YOUNG!"
Graham  : [laughs]
Patty   : Well, I'm so glad that I can serve to amuse you all in this way.
Angela  : Are you really gonna do this?  Are you actually gonna sew matching
          outfits again?
Patty   : Well of course, that's the whole idea!  Besides, the sewing will
          relax me.
Danielle: Normally makes you curse.
Angela  : It's so sick.  Dad, don't you think matching outfits is sick?
Graham  : [long pause] Uh, it, no, it's not sick.  It's, uh, unbelievably
          corny, maybe but not-
Danielle: I don't think it's so corny.  What is "corny"?
Patty   : You know, I really don't ask a lot of you Angela.  I'm asking you
          to do this one very worthwhile thing that we've enjoyed before.
          Is that so much to ask?
Angela  : [pause] Okay, I'll do it.

[in Patty's bedroom, preparing for bed]
Patty   : Look, I know what you're gonna say, but if I don't do things like
          this with her now, I mean, if not now, when?  In a few years,
          she'll be gone and...never phone and...tell some psychology major
          how I never spend any time with her.  Not to mention that this is
          a worthy cause, and we're always telling them how important it is
          to be involved in the community and give something back, but we
          never do anything about it.  And is it really so terrible to
          involve her in something where she may possibly gain a little poise
          and end up ultimately feeling better about-
Graham  : Is this a private conversation, or can anyone join?
Patty   : Well, I, I just...feel very strongly about this.
Graham  : Plus, you will be the prettiest mom there.
Patty   : It's not a question of who will be prettiest.  Besides, look at me.
Graham  : You know Patty, it was just a compliment.  A simple "thank you"
          will suffice.
Patty   : Sorry. [pause] I mean, you can't pretend you don't notice.
Graham  : "Notice what?", he hedged.
Patty   : That my face is changing.  That...I have lines that don't go away
          when I stop smiling.
Graham  : Oh, I didn't, I, it's not...they don't bother me, Patty.
Patty   : Ah ha.
Graham  : Ah ha, what?
Patty   : Ah ha, you admit you noti-
Graham  : I admit nothing.  Ah ha, yourself.

[in the girls' bathroom, Angela's waiting for everyone to leave so she can
 cover that zit; people clear out, she starts putting on makeup]
[enter Sharon, does her makeup]
Angela  : [about to leave] So, um, are you...are you doing this fashion
          thing, or whatever, this...this fundraiser. [pause] 'Cause my mom
          said you were and I just...I, I wondered.
Sharon  : [no response]
Angela  : So that's how it is now?  I can't even ask you a question? [pause]
          Well, excuse me for daring to speak to you.
Sharon  : Well, excuse me, but just because you suddenly decide I'm worth
          talking to-
Angela  : Guess what, I changed my mind.  You're not.
Sharon  : Oh, go squeeze your zits.
Angela  : [about to leave, but stops] Oh, and congratulations on the poll.
Sharon  : ["What is this damn poll?" look]
Angela  : Oh, you didn't know?  You're on it.  They both are.  I can't
          believe you didn't know. [wicked smile turns to remorse, leaves]
Sharon  : [pretty hurt]

[Patty's bedroom]
Camille : Oh, God, I love other people's beds!  So, who's into the pillows,
          you or Graham?
Patty   : [throws pillow at Camille]
Camille : [laughs]
Patty   : Now, this is one I'd really like to make but , no, I think
          I'd look pretty stupid in it.
Camille : Oh, why?
Patty   : Oh, it'd be good for Angela but...maybe there's something in here I
          can copy.  This everywhere.  Perfect face, perfect body.
          I hate her.
Camille : Speaking of...perfect bodies, I'm in shock Angela agreed to do
          this again.
Patty   : Why?  Our relationship isn't that terrible.
Camille : You know, it's not about your relationship.  I just didn't think
          she'd be into this kinda thing anymore.  I mean, it was all I could
          do to get Sharon to agree to it.  Especially after that...stupid
Patty   : ["What poll?" look]
Camille : What, you didn't hear about the poll?
Patty   : We don't hear much.  We live in the back.
Camille : Well, it seems...that this group of hormonally-challenged boys
          created this charming little document rating the sophomore girls.
Patty   : Oh, God.
Camille : And Sharon got voted, Best Global Endowments.
Patty   : Oh, noooo!
Camille : Breaks my heart.  She's so self-conscious now.
Patty   : I can't believe Angela never mentioned this.
Camille : Well, she's probably not on it.
Patty   : Oh, right.
Camille : No, she's better off, it's better for her-
Patty   : Oh, definitely.  I mean, yes, you're right.  She probably...wasn't.
Camille : God, it took me right back to high school.  You know, I was so
          self-conscious about my weight.
Patty   : Camille, you were not that overweight.
Camille : Patty, I was fat.
Patty   : [laughs]
Camille : I mean, even senior year, when I lost all that weight, I still felt
          really fat.
Patty   : Aww.
Camille : But you know what?  I'm glad now, I mean, not looking that great in
          high school?  I had nowhere to go but up. [they laugh] I gotta tell
          ya, now, after all these years, I actually like the way I look.
          And that's all that matters.
Patty   : ["Yeah, exactly." look]

[in the girls' locker room]
[girls are looking at the same mag with the cover model Patty hates]
Girl1   : See, I like how she looks in her videos.  But here, she's just
Girl2   : I know, I mean, what is it with her eyebrows?
Girl1   : No, look at her knees.  They're so pointy.
[Sharon walks by]
Girl1   : Hey, aren't you hot in that sweatshirt?
Sharon  : No.
Girl2   : Hey, are you guys gonna go to that party tonight?
Sharon  : What party?
Girl1   : A girl in my Math class is throwing one.
Girl2   : Yeah, it's gonna be fun.
AngelaVO: [pause] The worst feeling is suddenly realizing that...[looks at
          her chest, looks at girls passing by] you don't measure up.  And
          that in the past, when you thought you did, you were a fool.

[in boys' bathroom]
Rickie  : What? [to Brian at adjacent urinal] I'm not allowed in here,
          either?  Jeez.

[outside - lunch]
[Kyle and Sharon are holding hands, he's frisky]
Brian   : They've been holding hands for, like, two weeks.  I'm serious,
          they never let go.  I mean, it's like their hands have been
          surgically implanted, you know?  I mean, how do they eat? [pause]
          Not that I condemn it, I mean, if they wanna hold hands-
Rickie  : No, exactly.
Brian   : I mean, it's fine with me...just...I'm just wondering when all this
          happened, you know?
Rickie  : Do I.
Brian   : I mean, people pairing off...into couples.  It's like...I wasn't
          expecting it, or something, like, like, did we cover this, was I
          absent that day?
Rickie  : You know I was.

[in the school, hallway]
Kyle    : Well, I gotta go to practice. [goes to kiss her] What?  Does my
          breath smell?
Sharon  : So, what do you guys talk about at practice?
Kyle    : What?
Sharon  : Just...give me an idea...on the topics of your friends.  What's
 topic of conversation?
Kyle    : There's no topics.  I mean, I don't know what you mean.
Sharon  : Like you don't know about the poll?  'Cause you know who did it,
          right?  I mean...I mean, it was you and your jock friends, wasn't
Kyle    : Yeah, I know some of the guys who did it.  But...I mean...I wasn't
there. [pause] So does it really bother you, or something?
Sharon  : Guess how many people have asked me out since that stupid poll came
Kyle    : What people?
Sharon  : Guess.
Kyle    : What, people I, like, know?
Sharon  : Eight people have asked me out, Kyle.  Okay?  Since Tuesday.
Kyle    : Well, who, who, Wally Hennessey?
Sharon  : You must really think I'm stupid, huh?
Kyle    : So wait, who's asking you out?
Sharon  : You know, even before the poll, I had my suspicions that you were
          just...that you didn't really, like, actually like me.  I mean, I
          mean for real.  So, good.  Okay.  I know why you asked me out now.
          The big mystery is all cleared up now, so, goodbye. [turns, walks]
Kyle    : Wait.  Sharon, hold it.  You're saying you're breaking up with me?
          Because of what it said on some poll?
Sharon  : Oh, you're so perceptive. [she leaves]

[in a department store, cosmetics]
Patty   : Well, maybe we should...browse here...for a second.
Angela  : Yeah, good idea.
Patty   : Thank you.
[they walk around]
Cosmetic: Pretty girl.
Patty   : [smiles, of course he's talking to her, sees he's looking at
Cosmetic: You're the mother?
Patty   : Yes.
Cosmetic: Lovely skin.
Angela  : What?
Patty   : He said you have lovely skin.
Angela  : [laughs] Yeah, right.
Patty   : Angela, "thank you" will suffice.  We've entered a...mother-
          daughter fashion show together.
Cosmetic: Oh?
Angela  : We?  You entered us.
Cosmetic: Well, you know, I do makeovers.  I could do one for her, for the
          fashion show,'re interested.
Patty   : Really?  Well, that might be fun, right?
Angela  : You think I need a makeover?
Patty   : I didn't say you need it, I...  Never mind.
Cosmetic: Anyway, here. [gives business card] In case she changes her mind.
          [pause] Oh, this product is amazing!  All those tiny lines around
          your eyes, it actually smoothes them. [pause] Did you want me to
          ring that up for you?
Patty   : Yes.

[Patty puts cream on her crow's feet, her face blends into Angela's]

[Chase house, in the foyer/living room]
Danielle: "Turn on the radio, what do you hear?  Twenty five cheerleaders
          doin' a cheer!"
Patty   : Honey, could you not do that in here?  It makes it very hard for me
          to concentrate.
[enter Angela]
Patty   : Oh, Angela, come here.  I need your help.
Angela  : Mom, come on.
Patty   : No, what, "come on"?  I have to...hold something up to you.
Angela  : Mom, I have to finish _The Metamorphosis_.
Patty   : Well, this'll only take five seconds.  Turn around.  Oh, I really
          love this fabric.  Don't you love it?  Couldn't you just eat it?
Angela  : I'm not hungry.
Patty   : See, I want to get kind of a...Mary Quant look.
Angela  : Mary who?
Danielle: Mmmm, I love the fabric.
Patty   : And I was thinking we could try this, um, kind of a...French twist
          type of thing, you know?
Angela  : Mom, please don't touch my hair.
Patty   : What?  C'mon, let the, cooperate!  I mean, you, we're supposed to
          be doing this together, that's the whole point. [pause] Did you put
          some of that cream on your pimple?
Angela  : Mom!
Danielle: Let me see! [sees] Yuck!
Angela  : Mom, can we not talk about my skin, please?
Patty   : Fine.  You know what you really should do?  Soak a washcloth in
          some steaming hot water, apply it very gently to your chin.  Make
          sure you have a swab to clean- [actually is the way to go]
Angela  : Mom!
Patty   : What?  I'm trying to help.  What is wrong?
AngelaVO: Just the word -- "swab".
Angela  : Mom, I may not wanna do this.  Mom?
Patty   : Do you have any idea, how much time and effort I've already put
          into this?
Danielle: Mom?
Patty   : And it's gonna be fun.  And you haven't-
Danielle: Mom?
Patty   : even given it a chance.  What is it, honey?
Danielle: Nothing. [leaves]
Angela  : Never mind.  Okay, I'll do it. [leaves]

[school, History class, I assume -- Malcolm X is being shown]
MalcolmX: Who taught you, please, who taught you to hate the texture of your
          hair?  Who taught you to hate the color of your skin, to such
          extent that you bleach, to get like the white man?  Who taught you
          to hate the shape of your nose, and the shape of your lips?  Who
          taught you to hate yourself, from the top of your head, to the
          soles of your feet?  Who taught you to hate your own kind?  Who
          taught you to hate, the race that you belong to?  So much so, that
          you don't want to be around each other.  Oh no, before you come
          asking Mr. Mohammed, does he teach hate, you should ask, who
          yourself, who taught you, to hate being what God gave you.
[bell rings]

[English class]
Rinaldi : [reading from _The Metamorphosis_]
[while reading, these are the different shots of the characters:
 Angela walks into school and sees Jordan talking to Casey Hall;
 Rickie goes into boys' bathroom, guys are chillin', he's very uncomfortable;
 Rayanne hamming it up with a bunch of guys in the hall, very comfortably;
 Sharon walking through hall, guys are putting faces right up to her chest;
 in class, Angela and Brian see Sharon covering up;
 Jordan's asleep]
          When Gregor Samsa woke up one morning from unsettling dreams, he
          found himself changed into a monstrous vermin.  "What's happened to
          me?", he thought.  It was no dream.  He thought how simple
          everything would be if he could get some help.  "There's something
          the matter with him," his mother said.  "There's certainly
          something wrong with him, even though he said this morning that
          there wasn't."  How something like this, could just...take a
          person by surprise.  "My God!", cried his mother, already in tears.
          "Hurry, get the doctor!  Did you hear Gregor talking?  That was
          the voice of an...animal."

[in the band room, Sharon practicing solo]
[enter Kyle]
Kyle    : Sharon?  Sharon, what are you doing?
Sharon  : The latest dance craze. [starts playing again]
Kyle    : [rips off her shoe]
Sharon  : Stop!  What are you doing?  Kyle, what are you, Kyle, what are you-
          Gimme back my shoe!
[enter Brian]
Brian   : Oh.
Sharon  : Gimme my shoe back, c'mon!
Brian   : Sorry, I was just...I was just...never mind. [backpedaling out the
Kyle    : [chases Brian out, shuts the door]

[outside the door, enter Rickie]
Rickie  : What?  Who's in there?
Brian   : Sharon and that guy.
Rickie  : Oh, so what?  Were they kissing? [pause] More than kissing?
Brian   : He was, like, making her beg for her shoe.
Rickie  : [chuckles] Wow!  I never heard of that.

Kyle    : Just listen to me.
Sharon  : Give me my shoe back, Kyle.
Kyle    : I will.  If you listen.  Okay?  Now first off, I'm not just
          interested in you 'cause you...'cause of how you look?  It's what
          got my attention, I admit.  But it's not the whole reason.  Okay?
          That's it.  Here's your shoe back.
Sharon  : [long pause] So what's the whole reason?
Kyle    : What?
Sharon  : Tell me why you wanted to go out with me.  And be specific.
Kyle    : Because...this is embarrassing.
Sharon  : Good.
Kyle    : Your smile, I mean, I like it.
Sharon  : Good, next.
[bell rings]
Kyle    : You're...usually in a good mood.  Unlike now.
Sharon  : Anything else?
Kyle    : It seemed liked me.
Sharon  : I did.
Kyle    : You did, or do? [pause] It's not just what you've got, it's your
's you. [pause] But I must admit, I'm happy you have 'em.
          Why aren't you?
Sharon  : I'm working on it. [they kiss]

[outside the room]
Rickie  : Okay, see the Egyptians, they wore eyeliner to...ward off the evil
          spirits.  They believed that if they outlined their eyes, that the
          good spirits would spot 'em easier.  I read it in a book.  So
          that's why I tried it.  The eyeliner, I mean.
Brian   : So you believe in, like, evil spirits?
Rickie  : Oh no, I, I'm Catholic.  Basically, I just like how it looks.
Brian   : Oh, okay.  Well, that kinda makes sense, I guess.

[in the girls' bathroom]
AngelaVO: It had become the focus of everything.  It was all I could feel,
          all I could think about.  It blotted out the rest of my face, the
          rest of my life.  Like the zit had become...the truth about me.

[the model appears next to Angela, she's hallucinating]
Model   : My hair is so hard to control.  You're so lucky, you've got that
          kind of hair you don't even have to bother with. [pause] Oh my
          gosh, look at those dark circles under my eyes.  I am so tired.  I
          went out late dancing with my boyfriend every night this week.
          Like you, you look like you get a good night's sleep, every
          night.  I have to go places with him and listen to him tell me how
          he's always thinking about me, and how he gets jealous all the
          time.  Do you have a boyfriend?
Angela  : No.
Model   : Oh my gosh, you are so lucky.
Angela  : What are you doing here?
Model   : That's a good question.  I don't know.  I don't have to go
          to the bathroom...ever.
[enter Rayanne]
Rayanne : Angela!  Come on, let's go.

[Chase house, Angela's room]
Rayanne : Look, stop screwing around and just pop it, okay?  So you can get
          on with your life!
Angela  : But won't popping it cause a scar?
Rayanne : Anything causes a scar.  Living causes a scar.  My mother has a
          humongous scar from having me.  Does that mean that I shoulda never
          been born?
Angela  : So you're saying, pop it?
Rayanne : ["Duh, squared" look] I gotta go.
Rickie  : Don't put concealer on it.  It just clogs your pores worse.
Rayanne : Just pop it!

[they march down the stairs, Patty's sewing]
Rickie  : Nice stitching.
Patty   : Thank you.
Rickie  : I hate basting, it drives me nuts.
Patty   : Me, too.
Rickie  : Nice design.  It reminds me of...Mary Quant.
Rayanne : All right, Gracie, say good night.
Rickie  : Good night.
Patty   : [stunned]

[in Patty's room, trying on the dresses]
Patty   : What?  You hate it.
Angela  : I don't hate it.  So, can I take it off now?
Patty   : Angela, what is it?  What is the matter?
Angela  : Nothing.  It's just, we look like...
Patty   : Like what?
Angela  : Like some [laughing] kind of warped version of "The Patty Duke
          Show".  Get it, Patty...Duke...Patty?
Patty   : Okay, take the dress off.  Take it off. [forcefully opens the
          back] Now.
Angela  : Mom?
Patty   : No, you know, you are clearly...not comfortable with this, I'm not
          clear why.  You always enjoyed it in the past.
Angela  : I haven't enjoyed it all that much.
Patty   : I don't understand why not.  I would think that you would welcome
          the opportunity to, to dress up, to look your best-
Angela  : Who am I looking my best for?
Patty   : For you!  Of course, this is for you.  I mean, I don't-
Angela  : Mom, just face the facts, okay? [voice starting to quiver]
Patty   : What facts?  What-
Angela  : That I'm ugly, okay?  Just face it.  I have.
Patty   : How can you say that?  How can you possibly-
Angela  : By looking in the mirror, okay?  By looking at you, at the way you
          look at me.
Patty   : I look at you?
Angela  : By the way you instruct me on how to wash my face so I don't get
          zits.  Like you have to fix me.  Like you're ashamed of me.
Patty   : Oh no, Angela, sweetheart, no-
Angela  : 'Cause you expect me to be beautiful...because you're beautiful.
          [pause] Well, I'm sorry.  I'm not.  I'm just not. [leaves]
Patty   : [stunned again]

[later, in Patty's room]
Patty   : I completely messed up.
Graham  : I know.
Patty   : I made it this...issue.  I took all the fun out of it.  I put
          exactly the wrong kind of pressure on her and I just...
Graham  : Well, you lost perspective.
Patty   : Completely lost perspective, and I wish someone...could tell me
Graham  : Well, I guess it's, uh, because, you were, um, kind of, uh, caught
          up with something.  You know, I mean, something unconscious and sort
          of overpowering, something that kind of prevented you from
          acknowledging her insecurities. [All right, Graham!]
Patty   : Oh, who asked you? [hits him with pillow] No, you're right.
Graham  : Obviously, this fashion show business really means something to
          you.  Hmm?  It's like you need it, it's like some kind of approval
          that you're...I don't know...kind of starved for.  That maybe I
          can't give you because I'm person not, you know, the
Patty   : So you're flossing again? [I can't believe he was doing this right
          in front of her.  Wouldn't goo be flying all over the place?]
Graham  : Uh, I'm trying to, yeah.
Patty   : Well, I blew it.  She feels terrible about herself.  And my timing
          couldn't have been worse.  I mean, the poor thing's former best
          friend's voted Ms. Bosom, and all she gets is a pimple.
Graham  : Well, that part's probably my fault.
Patty   : What?
Graham  : I'm kidding.  You, my fault, you know, genetically.  I probably
          handed pimples down to her.
Patty   : Please, Graham, everybody gets pimples in high school.
Graham  : Oh, you didn't.
Patty   : I...did to.
Graham  : Oh, oh right.  I remember now.  That one!
Patty   : [laughs]
Graham  : Come on.  My face was an Italian entree.  You, you had one, one
          pimple.  Like this single, perfect rose.
Patty   : Well, so now, the tables have turned, haven't they?  I mean, I,
          like all women, am becoming less and less attractive in the eyes of
          the world, more and more expendable as I grow older, while you,
          like all men, are considered more desirable and more attractive the
          older you get.  Of course, you'll die sooner.
Graham  : That's right.  Well, we'd better have sex right now, then.
[they smooch]
Patty   : You really attractive you are, do you?
Graham  : I'm not attractive.
Patty   : Me neither.  You think there's...anybody in this world who really
          believes that they're beautiful?
Graham  : Um...RuPaul.
Patty   : [laughs]
Graham  : What?
[both laugh]
Patty   : I just can't believe you even know who RuPaul is.
Graham  : Well, I can't believe you do.  RuPaul strikes me as...pretty
Patty   : [laughs]
Graham  : What?  What?
Patty   : Nothing.  I're just pretty surprising for somebody I've
Graham  : Well, right back at ya.

[school, English class]
[enter Rickie]
Rickie  : Where's the teacher?
Brian   : It's Rinaldi.  Half the time, he doesn't show so...
Jordan  : Hey, uh, you, you know that, uh, that, that paragraph or whatever
          we have to write, about that bug guy?
Brian   : _The Metamorphosis_?
Jordan  : Yeah, that.
Brian   : Um, it was due already so...
Jordan  : I know.  I got extended.  They said if I don't turn something in,
          then they're gonna stick me back in Remedial...which I'm just, you
          know, not in the mood.  To be treated like dirt.  So what happens
          after he turns bug?  I, I mean, how's it end?
Brian   : Well, he dies.  Um, they basically kill him.
Jordan  : They who?
Rickie  : Wait, what book is this?
Jordan  : Wait, who kills him, the exterminators?
Brian   : No, his family.
Jordan  : Oh.  So, so he never, like, uh, turns back.
Brian   : Nope, and they, um, they turn on him.
Rickie  : But why?
Brian   : 'Cause, he's a giant cockroach.  And they, like, they can't handle
          it.  They're, like, repulsed, so...they, um, abuse him, they, they
          they starve him, but what it seems like when you're reading it, is
          that, um, he dies from loneliness.
Jordan  : Seems possible.
Rickie  : What?  Wait.  So, if they're starving him or whatever, then why
          doesn't he just leave?
Brian   : 'Cause, what's he gonna do, check into a motel?  He's a cockroach.
Jordan  : Hey, "Roach Motel".
[they laugh]
Sharon  : The point is, is he's the same person...inside.  No matter what he
          looks like.
Rickie  : All the same, if I were him, I'd be out of there, so fast.
[enter Rayanne]
Rayanne : Out of where?  Come here, I was looking for you.  So Krakow, how
          come you never ask me over anymore?
Jordan  : She wants you, man, go for it.  So, so getting back to that
          metamorphosis's made up, right?
[bell rings]

[in the girls' bathroom, Angela's at the mirror, there's a flush]
[Sharon exits the stall, washes her hands, about to leave, stops]
Sharon  : So, um, look, uh, are you doing this fashion show thing, 'cause my
          mom, my mom keeps holding it up to me that you are.
Angela  : I was, but I'm not. [pause] So, are you?
Sharon  : No, mom still thinks we are.  She's, like, in denial or
          something. [long pause] Why do girls have to tear each other down?
Angela  : I guess 'cause they're jealous.  I mean, I was...of you...for
          having what you have.
Sharon  : Do you know how many times this week I wished I had what you have?
Angela  : But I don't have anything.
Sharon  : Exactly. ["Sorry, don't mean anything by it" look]
Angela  : Well, this really makes sense.
Sharon  : I guess it just...all boils down to what they used to drill into us
          at Girl Scouts.
Angela  : What, sell more cookies?
[they laugh]
Sharon  : No!  No, you know, um, what you are, is, no wait, what, what your
          gift is-
Angela  : Oh!  No, um, what, what you have is God's gift to you.
Sharon  : Right.  To you.  And, and what you, what you-
Angela  : do with what you have, is your gift [together] to God!
Sharon  : Right!  Exactly.
Angela  : I can't believe you, like, actually remember that.
Sharon  : Oh please, are you kidding me?  Oh, we have Girl Scout cookies
          from, like, three years ago in our garage.
[enter Rayanne, Angela kinda turns her back, Sharon leaves, but knowing
 things are at least civil]
Angela  : Hi.  Where've you been?
Rayanne : So, was she, like, bragging about Kyle?
Angela  : No.
Rayanne : If you wanna be friends with her again, that's fine-
Angela  : I don't.
Rayanne : Okay. [pause] Maybe you do, after all, she's not a slut...yet.
Angela  : You know what?  How many guys you do, or do not sleep with, is,
          like, so, none of my business.  It has nothing to do with our
          friendship, okay? [what awesome writing!]
Rayanne : Okay.

[in the foyer/living room]
Danielle: "Turn on the radio, what do you hear?  Twenty five cheerleaders
          doin' a cheer.  Firecracker, firecracker, boom boom boom.  We've
          got the muscle, he's just got the brain.  A girl's got the sexy
          legs, so we win the game!  Turn on the radio, what do you hear?"
Angela  : Danielle, cut it out!  You have recited the same mindless, sexist
          cheer, like, fifty times.
Danielle: It's not sexist.  The girls win.  Just 'cause Mom's mad at you,
          'cause you don't wanna do the fashion show.  I mean, I know she
          really wanted you to...
Angela  : Yeah, it's her dream...that I magically turn into this...perfect,
          pretty daughter that she can show off and take all the credit for.
          Too bad.  I don't quite measure up.
Danielle: Well, you do.  More than I do.
Angela  : What?
Danielle: It's true.  I mean, face it.  Who does she pick to do it with?  I
          mean, not that I really wanted to do it...that much. [leaves]

[Angela stands at her parents' door]
Graham  : I'll get Danielle headed towards bed. [leaves, puts hands on
          Angela's shoulder as he passes]
Angela  : I'm sorry.
Patty   : Why?
Angela  : 'Cause, I wasted your time.
Patty   : No, you...didn't.  I...I think that I...needed you...up there with
          me...too much.  More than I wanna need it.
Angela  : Look at you.  Look at how you looked.
[they're looking at old picture of Patty, mirror]
Patty   : Yeah, well.  That was then, this is now.
Angela  : But, look at you.  So, did you love being pretty?
Patty   : I don't know.  I don't think I ever...really let myself know I was.
          I was always...really careful not to seem stuck up or vain or
          confident.  And, I, I look at a...picture like that and I
          God, I was pretty.  Oh, so pretty.  I just wish that I had been
          able to enjoy it. [pause] That's...all I want for you
          enjoy...what you really are.
[they hug]
Angela  : Mom, do you have any cotton swabs?
Patty   : Millions. [goes to get some]
Angela  : [pause] So, what are we gonna do about the fashion show?
Patty   : Well, I called Camille, and she's gonna try to find...another
          mother-daughter team to model our dresses.
Angela  : Mom?
Patty   : Hmmm?
Angela  : I think I know one.

[at the show, "Return to Innocence" playing in the background]
[Patty and Danielle start it off, they're waving; Angela, Rickie, and
 Rayanne wave back; they're being videotaped by Graham; Sharon is in the
 show with Camille; Angela is getting weepy -- tears of joy; Rayanne sees
 her getting teary-eyed and smiles]
AngelaVO: Sometimes it seems like we're all living in, like, some kind of
          prison.  And the crime is how much we hate ourselves.  It's good
          to get really dressed up, once in a while.  And admit the truth.
          That when you really look closely, people are so strange and so
          complicated that they're actually...beautiful.  Possibly even me.

[The end.]